Ooey Gooey Butter Cake

Y’all, I gotta be real with you about something. My family nickname – “the baker”? What a sham. I can not make pie crust. My cookies are either rock-hard or puddles. BUT – and this is a big but – I make one thing so damn good that nobody cares about my other baking failures.

Oh My Gooey Butter Cake.

Rewind to Christmas 2016. I was broke and desperate for something to take to our family gathering. My aunt Marge (the REAL baker) always makes this little “hmm” sound as she judges everyone’s contributions. That one you know. So I was searching on Google for “idiot-proof desserts” at midnight when I see this recipe.

Fast forward to dessert time, and Aunt Marge eats a bite. That terrible silence. But she then says to me dead in the eye: “So maybe some people from this generation do have some talent after all.” VICTORY.

I’ve made that cake about 117 times since that day. So I made it through the evening half asleep. I’ve gone a little tipsy after a night out. I survived a power outage with my phone flashlight. Because – well – it’s impossible to mess up.

What you’ll need:

Box of yellow cake mix – the cheap store brand works ok.
A stick of butter – the real stuff – because we are not animals 3 eggs – 1 for the bottom layer and 2 for the top Block of cream cheese (never soften it? It can run under hot water in the package for a minute or two (or run it under hot water in the package for a minute)
Vanilla – I’ve used the imitation stuff in emergencies and have lived to tell about it.
The amount of powdered sugar will make you question your life decisions: –

How I make it:

Preparing the lasagna: I preheat the oven to 350degF and grab my trusty 9×13 pan – the one with the weird burnt corner from when I made lasagna that first time around.

For the base layer I combine the cake mix, melty butter, and an egg in a bowl. I was so sure I made this wrong the first time because it makes this thick, sticky dough. And believe me it should be this way. I put whatever I have handy in the pan – usually the bottom of my measuring cup – because I hate getting my hands sticky.

Here comes the magic part. I beat it until it’s smooth. My advice? Beat it longer than you might think necessary. Those tiny cream cheese lumps are little jerks you’ll see after baking.

Two eggs plus a little vanilla are added. Next add powdered sugar. Keep going. More. MORE. You might think, “This can not possibly be right,” yet it is. It’s like three cups. I know. Accept chaos.

Dollop this over your base layer and bake for 40-45 minutes. Here’s where EVERYONE screws up: DON’T OVERBAKE IT! The middle should remain jiggly when you take it out. My very first panic attack occurred when I thought I ruined it. But the “gooey” part comes from that jigglely center.

Let cool completely. I’ve learned the hard way: cutting into it too soon makes a delicious but unsound mess.

This I bring to every potluck, every family gathering, every business event. And now colleagues are texting at 11 PM asking if I have anything left. Last year it was requested as a substitute for birthday cake by my neighbor’s kid. My dad, who says he “does not like sweets,” can cook half a pan himself.

The best part? People believe I am some sort of baking wizard, but between us, I am simply some guy who discovered a recipe that is essentially foolproof. Go forth and be the dessert hero your family deserves.

PPS: To make it extra fancy, dust some powdered sugar on top before serving. It hides your flaws and also makes people think you know what you are doing.